Embrace Your Emotions, Control Your Actions
Fact: Allaah (az) made women sensitive and emotional by nature. Whether we like it or not or choose to admit it, a woman can go through so many intense emotional highs and lows in one day that by the day’s end she is left feeling weary and mentally drained because every emotion we experience has a physical and psychological reaction. Beware!! The simplest event may trigger an emotional biological response that will cause our mood to involuntarily and spontaneously transform!!
How do we deal with this? Well, I’ve come up with a little acronym that just might help us inshaa'Allaah: R.A.C.E
Recognize Your Emotions - Whenever we get emotional, pause and recognize that this is who we are by nature. Beware! The simplest event may trigger an emotional biological response that will cause our mood to involuntarily and spontaneously transform! It may be a whisper from the shayateen, hearing an idle or disrespectful comment, receiving a confusing email or dealing with someone who has a bad attitude and loves confrontation on a daily basis. Practicing awareness of the source of these changes in emotion will allow us to respond in a way that Allaah (az) loves.
Accept Your Emotions - Simply accept and acknowledge the fact that this is the way our Creator and Master Allaah (az) designed us. Our emotions make us beautiful, nurturing, caring and sensitive human beings. They make us intuitive, loving wives, mothers and friends. However, we must also accept that emotions are our test. For instance, it’s very important to learn how to recognize, accept and deal with jealousy, especially in a polygamous marriage. How deeply and intensely we love our husbands should pale in comparison to our love and devotion to Allaah [s].
It may help us as women to remember this Hadeeth. While it may be hard to accept because we love to love with deepest devotion, our beloved Prophet (p) cautions us with good reason to love in moderation:
Allaah’s Messenger (p) said: “Love the one whom you love to a certain degree (moderately), perhaps one day he will be someone for whom you have hatred, and hate the one for whom you have hatred to a certain degree (moderately), perhaps one day he will be one whom you love.” (At-Tirmidhee)
We may not be able to control how we feel, but we can certainly control our actions and what rolls off our tongue: our speech.
Control Your Emotions! We may not be able to control how we feel, but we can certainly control our actions and what rolls off our tongue: our speech. Alhamdulillaah, we will not be held accountable for our thoughts. Does anyone doubt the wisdom of Al Hakeem (The Perfectly Wise)?
He knew what thoughts would go through our minds and what we would love to do and say to that sister with the attitude that annoys us. However, we will be held accountable for our deeds. This is a serious matter, especially for women, and applies not only to anger and jealousy, but gossip and backbiting as well.
Embrace Your Emotions
This is my personal Jihaad. Which of us loves being overly emotional? Welling up with tears for no apparent reason sometimes. Feeling hurt and neglected by those we love, even though you may have spoken to them just a day ago. Getting so angry that the veins on our neck pop up? It’s no picnic! Personally, I’m annoyed at myself for not being able to stay angry for a long time, even though I may have every right to be.
It took me a long time to realize that when I get upset, I express my opinion and then I go quiet. But when I get really angry I can’t even form a sentence, can’t even utter a word. Mouth traps shut. Maashaa'Allaah.
Rather, I distance myself from the situation and wait until the anger subsides and I can think clearly again, before anything comes out of my mouth. This is surely a mercy from Allaah (az), because He knows that the kind of haraam speech that would come spewing forth from my lips would make me go into a 21 day fast to make Tawbah for deliverance from sure hell fire! Allaahu'alam!
Now, I recognize that this is part of my nature, and I have learned to embrace it and deal with it accordingly. May Allaah (az) help us all to find ways to deal with our emotions.
Remember as Muslimahs we need to be like an Oreo cookie. The entire cookie is good, but the inside is soft and sweet, while the outside is a little tougher and not that easy to break. In other words we need to develop a thicker skin so that we don’t let anything get to us inwardly to the point where it would cause us to outwardly sin.
‘O Allaah, You are my Lord, none has the right to be worshipped except You, You created me and I am Your servant and I abide to Your covenant and promise as best I can, I take refuge in You from the evil of which I committed. I acknowledge Your favour upon me and I acknowledge my sin, so forgive me, for verily none can forgive sin except You.’ – Sayyid ul Istigfaar