THE IDEAL MUSLIMAH

A girl emailed an Islamic website the following story of regret, embarrassment and pain:

Assalam Aleikom wa Rahmatullah wa barakatuh,

I hope you can be of use to me in this problem: I'm a 17 year old Arab girl living in an Arab country and still in high school.

Unfortunately, I learnt about the internet, I misused it and spent my days chatting with guys and watching prohibited websites

(I did such things behind my parents back and no one knew about them) even though I used to be religious and hated girls who chatted with guys.

This is how I got to know a 21 years old guy-through the "Messenger" living in the same country but of different nationality and we went on chatting till we exchanged true and untainted love "just for the sake of Allah".

He used to educate me about teachings of religion and lead me to righteousness and guidance. He allowed me to see him through a camera, we sometimes prayed together.

Later he started to show me parts of his body which in return caused me to become an addict to the secret habit. Such situation went on for a month in which we learned a lot from each other. We maintained voice chatting and when I trusted him I allowed him to see me, my hair and most of my body parts through the computer camera. My love for him grew more and I thought only of him and nothing else to the extent that I couldn't concentrate in my studies, consequently causing my level of educational pursuit to decline.

He then told me about where he lived and so did I. I called him on his mobile a while after that and checked the validity of the information he gave me. He said he wanted to marry me, I agreed to his proposal for marriage, although I'm supposed to marry my cousin, yet I'm now so afraid of my parents' disapproval especially after he started to threaten me saying,

"If you leave me I'll disgrace you and spread your pictures"!

He also said,

"I'll call you using the numbers you dialled to reach me and tell your folks all about you."

When I discussed this matter with him he said that it was just threats yet I feel that he is not just threatening me and that he's really going to do something. Now I'm thinking seriously of leaving him and returning to the path of Allah.

My parents are Muslims and religious and if they knew that I'm in love with a guy and actually in contact with him they're going to kill me (by "kill" I mean beating and humiliating) to avoid the scandal and bad reputation.

I don't know what to do! I'm so scared;

I want guidance;

I want to be happy and safe;

I'm sick of thinking and feeling scared.

Please help me. Because of this problem I quit praying; I quit worshiping in general because I'm bored and desperate with my life; my sisters' reputation and futures-as well as mine- will be destroyed if I don't die, and I want to, today before tomorrow.

I want to leave him but I fear the scandal. He will call back so how can I stop him? Will Allah forgive me if I return to his path? What are the conditions of repentance and how should I repent?

I fear that I may go back to what I used to do? Where's the way out?

How can I get rid of my addict to the secret habit? And now that I suffer from sexual frigidity, how can I treat it without my parents knowing about it?

I seek your reply so bad; don't throw my mail away.

Please help me as soon as you can; there's no one else to help me; please help me, please.

The sister's message is over; a message that is truly rich with lessons, is anyone out there willing to learn?