The ‘Brother’ in Law [Part 1]

Written by Bintussabeel |

Tides of disagreement & inquisitiveness emanated from her beady eyes as she unflinchingly stared towards me with disagreement & distaste.

My Auntie was obviously not 100% happy with the idea of Muslim Women practicing segregation from their brother in laws. I emphatically stressed that a Muslim woman should try her best to practice segregation from her brother-in-law, even if they live in the same home and even if he is years younger than her and even if the sister-in-law sees him like her brother or son. Baffled and perplexed, she hesitated at first then spoke with determination, [obviously not agreeing with what I said], ‘I think that’s too extreme; a brother in law is like a brother!!?’

I decided to reply with words which outweigh the words I would have spoken out of my own accord, because they are the words of the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam]. I said ‘The Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] said that:

“The brother-in-law is Death.”

Although clearly stunned and baffled by hearing this hadeeth, her face still showed signs of disagreement. This surprised me, since Allah [azza wa jall] has said in the Qur’aan, with regards to the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam]:

“Nor does He speak of (his own) desire.

It is Only an Inspiration that is inspired.” [1]

Just as she was going to have her round two, my husband called me, since it was getting late and it was time to go home.

I wondered whether my having to go was a blessing for me ….

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'Uqba bin 'Amir [RadhiAllahu a’nhu] narrated that the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] said,

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"Beware of entering upon the ladies."

A man from the Ansaar [2] said, "Allah's Apostle! What about Al-Hamuw?” The Prophet replied: “The Hamuw is death.”[3]

In Arabic, the ‘Hamuw’ refers to ‘the husband’s brother or his relatives; for example, his paternal uncle’s son or his maternal uncle’s son.’[4] And it can also refer to the sister’s husband.[5] Let’s quickly re-cap… Hamuw means:

1. The Husband’s brother & male relatives.

2. The Sister’s Husband

Therefore, ‘Hamuw’ in Arabic has more of a general meaning than in English. In English the ‘brother in law’ refers specifically to the husband’s brother and does not include his relatives, such as his cousins or the children of his cousins. In English the phrase ‘brother-in-law’ only refers to the husband’s brother or the wife’s sister. It is important to keep in mind that in Arabic the term Hamuw refers also to the husband’s and wife’s cousins.

In Islaam the ‘Dhu Mahaarim [sing: Mahram]’ have been clearly defined; A Mahram is a woman’s husband or a man with whom that woman cannot marry at all according to Islaamic Jurisprudence. This can be due to blood relationship [such as father, son, brother, paternal uncle etc] or due to a foster relationship. For no other Non-Mahram has the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] used such clear and categorical wording of caution as he has for the brother-in-law. Even if our culture and traditions allow the mixing of a sister-in-law with her brother-in-law openly as if were her real brother, in Shari’ah [Islamic Law] the Hamuw is not considered a blood brother or like a blood brother. Therefore, the added ‘in-law’ in ‘brother–in–law’ is not referring to the Islaamic law.

Why the Similitude of ‘Death’?

From the words of the scholars [and some of my own contemplations] we learn some of the reasons as to why the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] referred to the brother-in-law as ‘death’:

Just as she would run away from death, she should run away from mixing spending time and being in the presence of her brother-in law,– as much as she possibly can.
Just as death is inevitable, it is also inevitable that at times, due to the brother-in-laws strong relationship with the husband, a woman may be put in a situation with him in which seldom would she have to face with anyone else.
His [i.e. the brother in law] entering upon the wife of his brother resembles death in repulsiveness and mafsadah [cause of corruption & evil].Such as the Brother in Law may resemble her husband in looks and character or the sister in law finding her brother in law attractive, or vice verse. Such cases would be a cause of great problems arising; resulting in

The marriage coming to an end, just as death brings an end to life.
Results in the death of her modesty and religiosity.
Or to her death metaphorically, when her husband’s protective jealousy [gheerah] leads him to divorcing her.
By her being stoned to death if she commits adultery with him.

She should have caution with the Hamuw as you would have caution from death.
Just as a person flees from death, it is incumbent that he flees from [allowing] entrance of his relatives upon his wife and his family which aren’t mahram.

We come to see how brief, concise and eloquent the words of the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] are. Every believing woman’s heart should fill with caution and should take heed.

Let’s add strength to what has been said by diving into the explanations given by great scholars to this hadeeth.

Statements Of The Scholars

Imaam Al Qurtubi

Imaam al Qurtubi said regarding the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] statement: ‘the brother-in-law is death’: “in other words: his entering upon the wife of his brother resembles death in repulsiveness and mafsadah [cause of corruption & evil]. Therefore, he is prohibited, [with a] clear prohibition; he [the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] has emphasised the caution from that.

He [describing it as] death, due to the indulgence of people in that [openly] from the side of [both] the husband and wife because it has become the norm…the Hamuw entering upon the women necessitates towards the death of her deen [religion], or to her death by means of her [husband] divorcing her, when he becomes jealous, or by her being stoned if she commits adultery with him.”[6]

Imaam Al Baghawee

“Al Hamuw: its plural is ‘Al A’hmaa’ and they are the brother in laws [includes his cousins etc] from the husbands side, and the sister-in-laws [includes her cousins etc] from the wife’s side… the Arabs say this phrase [i.e. something is death]... like they say ‘the Sultan is fire. The wording of this [hadeeth] means: certainly solitude with the Hamuw with her is more severe that her solitude with any other stranger…it also means: have caution with the Hamuw as you would have caution from death.”[7]

Imaam An-Nawawi

“Layth bin Sa’d said: Al-Hamuw is the husband’s brother and whoever resembles him [the brother in law] from the relatives of the husband, like his paternal uncles son etc. The Scholars of Language have unanimously agreed that Al-Ahmaa [trans. this is the plural of Al-Hamuw] are the relatives of a woman’s husband, like his father, his paternal uncle, his brother, the son of his brother, the son of his paternal uncle and their like. Also, the Akhthaan: the relatives of a man’s wife and the Ashaar: husband of ones sister. So it occurs for both types.

As for the Prophet’s [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] statement ‘the brother-in-law is death’ then it means that apprehension from him is more than from other than him. And the evil which occurs from him and the fitnah [trial/temptation/discord] is more due to him being able to reach the woman and be alone with her,- without disapproval [being levied] upon him-, unlike the ajnabee [stranger]…Ibn Arabee said that it is a phrasing used by Arabic, like they say ‘the lion is death’ i.e. meeting him is like death. And Qaadi said: it means that seclusion with the Ahmaa’ [trans. this is the plural of Al-Hamuw] leads to fitnah and destruction in deen [religion], that’s why he referred to it as like the destruction of death, therefore the phrasing shows [strong] weight.”[8]

Imaam As-Suyooti

“‘‘The Brother-in-Law is death’ means: certainly fear from him is more than from others and the evil which occurs from him in privacy is more, due to his being able to gain access to the woman and being alone with her without it being disapproved of him, unlike the ajnabee [stranger]. Even though, he is more deserving of being prohibited [from access] than the stranger!” [9]

Imaam Ibn Hajar Al Asqalaani

“Seclusion with the Hamuw certainly brings about destruction of the deen [of a person] if a sin occurs or death if a evil occurs, [in which case] stoning becomes waajib [incumbent] [trans. here Ibn Hajr is referring to if they commit adultery together], or [it brings about] the destruction of a woman by being separated from her husband, when his protective jealousy [gheerah] leads him to divorcing her.”[10]

Shaykh Uthaymeen:

“‘The Brother-in law is death’ are the gravest words of caution. It means, just as a person flees from death, it is incumbent that he [the husband] flees from [allowing] entrance of his relatives upon his wife and his family which aren’t mahram [to her]. This shows the extreme reprimand of [allowing] relatives of the husband to enter the house of the husband, [which is more] serious than the entrance of strangers, because these people enter with the recognition that they are relatives, so no-one disapproves. And when they come to the door, seeking permission to enter, no-one denies them.

That is why it is haraam on a person that he gives his brother a chance to be alone with his wife. Some people take this matter lightly; you’ll find him [the husband] with his wife and he has a brother who has reached the age of puberty and he [the husband] goes to work, leaving his wife and his brother in the home alone. This is haraam [prohibited], because satan runs in the son of Adam like the running of blood.

[The answer arises]: how do we separate them when the house is one [i.e. if they are living in the same house]? [The answer:] It is waajib [incumbent] to place a locked door between the quarter of the man [brother in law] and the quarter of the woman. The husband [must] take the key with him [to the door]. Then he [should] say to his brother ‘this is your place’ and to his wife ‘this is your place’ and he [should] say to his family ‘this is your place’.

It is not allowed that the door be left opened, since he may enter upon her and the satan may mislead him and he may rape her and maybe he will delude her to concord, then it will be like she is his [the brother in laws] wife, entering upon her [like a husband would] and leaving and he doesn’t care. We ask Allah to forgive…”[11]

Shaykh Atiyyah Muhammad As-Saalim

Al Hamuw: the husband’s brother.

It [i.e. this hadeeth] means: his entering [upon his brother’s wife] in the absence of his brother. The Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] clarified that he is the most severest of dangers so he said ‘the brother in law is death’, because the ajnabee [stranger] does not dare to enter and if he does enter he finds caution. As for the husband’s brother, then he enters the house of his brother and there is a no care, so there is what resembles death.

Therefore, in this hadeeth the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] makes clear for us that it is upon the man [i.e. brother in law] to [exercise] caution from the woman [brother’s wife], and likewise for the woman [to exercise caution from her brother in law]. [12]

Muhammad al-Ameen Ash-Shanqeetee

This great Scholar wrote in his tafseer, regarding the explanation of ‘the brother in law is death’ proves that segregation & partitioning must be established between the brother in law and his sister in law:

“…without a doubt that his phrasing is the gravest phrasing of caution, because death is the most horrid event which come upon a person in the world. Just as the poet said:

And Death is the greatest of events

Of which [comes to] pass upon his creation

So the Prophet’s [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam]

1/ Gravest phrasing of caution regarding the entering of men upon the women [non-mahrams] and

2/ His expressing the relative entering upon a wife by calling it ‘death’ is authentic prophetic proof that the statement of Allah:

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“… ask them from behind a screen…”[13]

is general for all women, as you saw [i.e. in its tafseer which preceded]. If its hukm [ruling] was specific for His wives [i.e the Prophet’s [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] wives], then why did He [the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] caution the men [with] this general phrasing of grave caution of entering upon women [and not just his wives]?

Also, from the apparent meaning of the hadeeth is that the caution is from entering upon them even if seclusion does not occur between the two. And it is so; hence, entering upon them and seclusion with them are both haraam [prohibited] with a severe prohibition …Imaam Muslim [rahimahullah] quoted this hadeeth in his chapter on the prohibition of solitude with strangers and [their] entering upon her [i.e. the woman]. This shows both are haram… the ‘iyyaakum’[in the hadeeth]…means be fearful/cautionary [ittaqoo] and implies the meaning ‘save yourselves [ittaqoo] from entering upon women, and women entering upon you. And in the narration of Ibn Wahb [of this hadeeth comes] with the wording : “Do not enter upon women” and includes the prohibition of entering [with the] prohibition of seclusion with her by means of the first way [i.e. by entering upon her].”[14]

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References

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[1] Suratun-Najm [53]: 3-4

[2] A Companion who was from Madinah, who believed in the Prophet [sallallahu a’lyhi wa sallam] and helped him and his Companions when they left Makkah and came to Madinah. That’s why Ansaar means ‘Helpers’.

[3] Bukhari :: Book 7 :: Volume 62 :: Hadith 159. The Hadeeth is also mentioned in Saheeh Muslim

[4] Darakaat an-Naar, volume 1, pg 94

[5] Sharh An-Nawawi A’lal Muslim, volume 14, pg: 154] & Sharh Saheeh al Bukhaari li Ibn Butaal, vol 7 pg: 359

[6] Al Mufham [5]: 501 and also quoted in ‘Al Mufassil Fi Ar-Radd A’laa Shubuhaat A’adaa’ Al Islaam’, volume 14 pg: 267

[7] Sharh as-Sunnah, volume: 9 pg 27

[8] Sharh An-Nawawi A’lal Muslim, volume 14, pg: 154]

[9] Sharh As-Suyooti a’lal Muslim, Chapter 5 pg: 193

[10] Fath al Baari, vol 9, pg 332

[11] Sharh Buloogh al Maraam, Volume 3, pg: 163

[12] Sharh Riyaadhus Saliheen by Shaykh Uthaymeen, Volume 1 pg: 1932

[13] Al Ahzaab [33]: 53

[14] Adwaa’ al Bayaan Fi Eeydhaah Al –Qur’aan Bil Qur’aan, Chapter 6 pg 249