THE IDEAL MUSLIMAH

In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them. Here are some tips:

• Remember your spouse's parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make an issue about "me or them".
• Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it. Don't interfere
• Don't tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.
• Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to adjust to this new relationship.
• Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws. Give people the benefit of the doubt.
• Always strive to treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
• Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
• Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.
• Do not go to your parents with unnecessary quarrels.
• If you are supporting your parents financially with your spouse's money it may be best to inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
• Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
• Do not divulge secrets.
• Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.
• Maintain the Adab (etiquettes) of Islam with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e.no hugging or kissing).
• Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.
• Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
• Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.
• Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit their parents and regularly check on them.
• When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.