orangeWhenever people would come from Yemen, Umar, the Companion of the Prophet (peace be upon him) would ask them,

“Is Uways Al-Qaranee amongst you?

Until, one year, he met Uways. He said, Are you Uways Al-Qaranee?”

He said, “Yes.” Umar continued, “From Muraad, then Qaran?” He said, “Yes.”

Umar then asked, “Were you once afflicted with leprosy and your skin healed except for a dirham’s area?” Uways said, “Yes.”

Umar finally asked, “Do you have a mother (that is alive)?” He said, “Yes.”

Umar then said,

“I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say, "Uways ibn Aamir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran. He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham’s area. He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath. If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you.”

Umar then requested from Uways, “Ask forgiveness for me.” And Uways Al-Qaranee did.

Allah (ta’ala) commanded us, {And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your Parents. If one of them or both attain old age in your life, then do not say to them uff (a word of disrespect), nor shout at them, rather address them in terms of honour / And lower for them the wing of submission and humility through mercy. And say, “My Lord! Grant them Your Mercy as they brought me up when I was small.} [Qur'an - Al-Israa’ 17:23-24]

Ad-Daylami collected from al-Husayn ibn Ali, that the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “If Allah knew any smaller than uff (tsk) to be disrespectful to parents, He would have decreed it to be Haram!” In Bukhaari, a man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) seeking permission to go for Jihad. The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked him, “Are your Parents alive?” He said, “Yes.” He (peace be upon him) said, “Perform Jihad (in you kind treatment) of them.”

If someone came to you today and offered you a free lunch, what would be your response? No doubt you would smile, speak kindly to them, and reserve a special place in your heart for their memory. Why is it then that our parents receive only cold stares, harsh words and bitter treatment and they are who they are in our lives? For twenty or thirty years they fed us, clothed us, washed us, and showered their mercy on our soft skin. Their love for us never dies even if we do, love that goes even beyond us, to our children and even their children.

Dear Brothers and Sisters, we all have parents – whether they are with us or not – and many have not understood the severity of their position in our lives and their right to be respected and revered. Today I want to remind you and I of the true position of our Parents, may Allah have mercy on them all.

Birr Al-Waalidayn (Kindness Towards Parents) is a characteristic of the believer. Al-Hasan Al Basree defined it saying,

Al-Birr is to obey the parents in everything that they ask so long as it is not to disobey Allah. Uqooq is to disown your parents, denying them all of your goodness.

By the Ijma’ of the Ulamaa’, being respectful and obedient to ones parents is Fardh! Ibn Hazm said,

“(Obeying ones parents) is Fard!” and he quoted the verse: {And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your Parents.}

To better understand what is meant by Birr Al-Walidayn (kindness to parents), the scholars set the following conditions:

· One: He should place the pleasure of his parents above the pleasure of anyone else, including himself and his wife and kids. Everyone.

· Two: He should obey them in everything they command or forbid, whether it agrees with his desires or not, so long as they do not command the disobedience of Allah.

· Three: He should present them with everything he feels they desire, whether they ask for it or not. He should present it with kindness and mercy, understanding – no matter what he does – his shortcomings in fulfilling the true kindness that his parents deserve.

Allah’s love comes when our parents love us. And Allah’s anger comes when our parents are angry with us. Ibn Abbas raa said,

“There are three things that will not be accepted if it’s mate is not fulfilled. (And he mentioned),

{Thank Me (Allah) and your Parents...} [Qur'an - Luqmaan 31:14]

Ibn Abbaas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept from him.”

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “the Pleasure of Allah is from the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allah is from the anger of the parents.”

Let us think about how many of us treat our parents. We shy away from them when they may need something. We never visit if we are away from them. In fact, many people dispose of their parents in retirement homes. And when an argument ignites between our parents and us, many of us shout at them as if we were arguing with our evilest enemy, May Allah protect us all.

Compare this to those that came before us. Dhibyaan ibn Ali ath-Thowree (ra) used to travel with his mother to Makkah. There – in the scorching heat – he would dig a little pool and fill it with cool water. Then he would turn to his mother and say,

Ummi (my mother), sit in this water to cool yourself.

For many of us, our friends are more precious to us than our Mother and Father. Forgetful we are of the time a man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked him who is more worthy of his dear companionship. He (peace be upon him) said, “your Mother!” The man asked again and again, and the Prophet (peace be upon him) replied, “Your Mother! Your Mother!” Until on the fourth time he (peace be upon him) said, “Your Father.” Today, when the common question is asked, “Who is your best friend?” How many people would say, “My Mother!” But this is how the question should be answered and implemented.

What pleases our parents comes before everything, so long as it is not in disobedience of Allah. The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah bin Shurayh (ra), one of the Imam’s of our Ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his Mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the Halaqah, and go feed the chickens.

We all want Allah to accept from us, we would all like to enter Paradise. Look down – dear brothers and sisters - and you will find paradise at the feet of your mother.

Narrated Ahmad and An-Nasaa’ee, from Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah As-Sulamee, My father, Jaahimah (raa) went to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and asked, “O Messenger of Allah, I would like to go out and fight for the sake of Allah, and I have come to you for advice.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) asked him, “Is your Mother alive?” He said, “Yes.” “Then stay near her,” advised the Prophet (peace be upon him), “For at her feet is Jannah!”

On the other side, making our Parents sad or even making them cry is one of the many ways to earn Allah’s anger. Imam Ahmad narrates, from Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn Al-Aas (raa): A man came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) to give him his pledge of Allegiance. He said, “I have come to pledge allegiance to you for Hijrah! And I have left both my parents behind crying.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) commanded him, “Go back,  and the same way that you made them cry, make them laugh.”

Ibn Umar (raa) said,

Making ones parents cry is amongst the 'Uqooq, a major sin!

Shaykh al-Qaasim once said,

Subhaan Allah! How can we leave our parents sobbing, tears that the throne of Allah shakes for, tears that unsettle the Angels in the heavens, and then we claim that we want to go for Jihad so that Allah will be pleased with us? Go back and make them happy with your visit as you made them sad by your departure. If they laugh and are pleased with you, Allah will be pleased.

During the funeral of his mother, Al-Haarith Al-Aklee (ra) weeped. When asked for the reason of his tears he said,

Why should I not cry when one of my doors to Paradise has now closed?

In conclusion, let us reflect on the virtue of respecting our parents:

It is one of the greatest things that we can do. In Bukhari and Muslim, from Abd Allah ibn Mas’ood (raa), a man asked the Prophet (peace be upon him), “What deed is most beloved by Allah?” He (peace be upon him) said, “Salah on time.”

The man asked, “And then?” He (peace be upon him) said, “Respecting and revering ones parents.”

He said, “And then?” “Jihad for the sake of Allah.”

· It is a means by which our sins are forgiven. When Allah commanded in the Qur’an, {And We enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents...}

The next verse tells us:

{They are those from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and overlook their evil deeds, (they shall be) amongst the dwellers of Paradise.} [Qur'an - Al-Ahqaaf 46:15-16]

Respecting our parents will lead us to Jannah! In Muslim, from Abu Hurayrah (raa), I heard the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) say, “May he perish! May he perish! May he perish!” It was asked, “Who, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “He whose parents attain old age in his life – one or both of them – and he does not enter Paradise (because of his goodness towards them).”

And when our parents are gone, the goodness towards them does not end.

Malik ibn Rabi’ah Al-Saa’idi narrated: We were sitting with the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) when an Ansaari man came and asked, “O Messenger of Allah, is there anything left from my Birr to my parents that I should present to them after their death?” The Prophet (peace be upon him) said,

“Yes, four things: Pray and ask forgiveness for them. Fulfill their pledges. Be kind to their friends. And maintain the ties of kinship that come from only their direction. That is what is left from your Birr to them after their death.” [Ahmad, Abu Dawood, and Ibn Maajah]

Aamir ibn Abd Allah ibn Az-Zubayr (ra) said,

My father died, and for an entire year I did not ask Allah for anything except that He forgive my Father.

Remember dear brothers and sisters as you meet your parents today, the words of Rasul Allah (peace be upon him), “Fa feehima fa Jaahid! (Do Jihad in (your kind treatment of) your parents.)”

O Allah, forgive us and our parents, and reward them with the finest reward. O Allah, elevate their position in the hereafter and this world; make that which befalls them an expiation for their sins. O Allah, grant them residence in Firdows, the highest level of Jannah, with the Prophets, the Siddeeqeen, and the Martyrs.