THE IDEAL MUSLIMAH

Sometimes we don't even know where to begin to repair broken bridges in our marriages. Giving thanks is a very good place to start. Send a card, note, or e-mail message to your husband quoting the hadith that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” and thank him for striving to be a good husband. DO NOT think anything negative about how he has been to you, simply give thanks for all the positive. If you have done this already, send an e-mail thanking him for all the good he does for you and acknowledging that every kindness from him is a great blessing from Allah, subhaana wa taala.

What effect does this have? Inshaa'Allah, it will please him; it will show appreciation. It may also make him consider the hadith or his kindess and examine how he has been "best to you." It is amazing how one sees their own shortcomings in the face of compliments and appreciation. It may encourage him to be better with you. It may even shame him into being better to you.

If you are wondering whether this could really work, just consider when someone praises something about you that isn't totally true. They may say you are a wonderful sister to them. One of the first things that I think of is how I'm not a wonderful sister... I think of all my shortcomings that make me less than a wonderful sister. Get my drift?

Another important thing is to abide by his wishes with no arguments. Nothing is getting better by you defying him or constantly differing in opinion when things are already strained.

Lastly, let him see you always happy, smiling, satisfied with what Allah, azza wa jall, has blessed you with. It may be that seeing you looking unhappy or low is having a spiral effect and making him feel he isn't appreciated or a good husband. That is disastrous. If you have to, think of something totally outside of your home or life... whatever it takes to bring a smile and joy to your heart. For me, it is as simple as thinking that Allah, subhaana wa taala, made me Muslim and I have such good children and friends.

These are ways that you can positively impact your marriage, your home environment, and inshaa'Allah, your relationship with Allah, al Rahman, al Wudood.